The Potions Master's Wife
by Rosmarinus
Summary: (Other Character-based first-person voice) Department of Magick Bioalchemist Caitlin Shaw is haunted by nightmares forcing her to return to the English Wizarding World to fulfill a marriage contract with Severus Snape, only to meet Remus Lupin


**The Potions Master's Wife**

The day Severus Snape married me was not the happiest day of my life.

According to ancient tradition among wizarding noble families, we were promised to each other as children. Had the tradition been properly followed, we would have grown up knowing each other, formally betrothed at 14 and married by 18. However, my father took my mother and me to the United States when I was five and we grew up in different countries. What's more, by the age of 11, it was apparent that my magical abilities were limited: I was not a squib, per se, but very nearly one.

Instead of returning to Hogwarts for school, my parents sent me to the American academy, Lake Placid, for my education. The superintendent, Lawrence Kincaid, evaluated my innate ability and suggested I concentrate on alchemy. I would never be able to do much with my wand, but the herbs and chemistry of the old art drew me in. Before my graduation I was clearly a kitchen witch; proficient at alchemy and skilled in herbal medicine and magick.

By then, the war in England had begun. My mother contacted Lady Snape to discuss my engagement to her son and was firmly rebuffed. I dated several men and assured my parents that I took no offence at this rejection. It was an old custom and I was no longer British, but an American citizen.

The Dark Lord fell, brought down when he had tried to kill a little boy. The American wizarding community rejoiced with the British. We later learned that Lord and Lady Snape had died in the war and my former fiancé was teaching potions at Hogwarts.

I was just a baby when our parents had performed the promising charm; Severus would have been about five or six. But when I held the parchment letter, delivered by a foreign owl, I felt chilled to my bones. For months I had been dreaming of Severus, talking to him in my sleep and looking for him in every crowd. It made no sense, since I had not seen him in 25 years. The parchment, though, explained my sudden obsession with this stranger.

Lady Caitlin Shaw:

As contracted by our parents and bound by the matrimonious charm, I am prepared to take you as my wife.

The letter continued, spelling out where I would find a ticket to take me back to England, what I was to pack and how I was to prepare. I waved it under my mother's nose and ranted about arcane traditions and her foolish meddling in my life. She stone-facedly said it was my dearly departed father's fault. I told her to break the magic that was intended to bind me to this stranger and preventing me from having a moment's peace. She refused.

Still ranting, I packed my bags, settled my accounts and flew to England with the intention of making this Snape see the light and breaking the charm with his help. After all, he was as much a victim in this as I was.

No one met me at Heathrow Airport. Mom had not made the trip back to Britain with me, so I was alone to collect my bags, pile everything into a cab and be driven to King's Cross Rail Station. From there, I piled everything on a smart cart and went in search of this platform 9 and three-quarters.

There wasn't one. I already missed home and our way of doing things. Frustrated and tired from the flight, I leaned against the column separating platforms nine and 10. The familiar feeling of magic gripped me and before I caught my balance, I tumbled over backwards, smart cart and all, on to the magical platform.

"So much for Kansas," I muttered and climbed to my feet. An old steam engine gleamed on the tracks. Over it hung a wooden sign, proclaiming: The Hogwarts Express.

With still no one to meet me, I ask a uniformed porter to help me load my bags on the train. There were only two cars and I had no trouble finding a seat against the window. With a sigh, I curled up and fell asleep.

"_What do you want with me?" My voice was angry and sound tired._

_The man wearing black just shrugged. "I keep my obligations."_

"_I'm not your obligation, Severus. Our parents did this to us; we don't have to go through with it."_

"_It's already too late, Caitlin. We've waited too long."_

"_Too late for what? We can call this off and I'll just go home."_

_He extended his right palm. There was blood there and he looked from it to me. I felt my left hand begin to sting and sucked in my breath to see there was blood there, too. Our hands had been cut._

"_There is no 'calling this off.' You must realize that. The magic has been growing in us since we were children."_

"_I don't care." My voice was now pouting and shrill. "We didn't make this choice. This is not our magic."_

"_The only reason you have any magic at all, girl, is because of this."_

I jerked awake, my heart pounding frantically. I felt like I was swimming to the surface of a thick pond, the dream trying to drag me back under the waters. This one had at least been slightly different, but they all shared the commonality of an argument. Each of us insistent; each of us angry.

"He doesn't love me," I said under my breath and turned to look out the window. Why was I going through this game?

There was a soft cough and I looked away from the window to find a man in the compartment with me. His blond hair was streak with early grey, though he was roughly my age. His blue eyes had the haunted look of a much older man. He smiled gently at me.

"Are you well, madam?" he asked, his voiced filled with concern. "You seemed to be agitated in your sleep."

I leaned forward and rubbed my temples. "Agitated is a word for it," I said with a deep sigh. "Just another nightmare. I've been having them for months."

"Ah," the man replied, his facing showing understanding. "I'm well accustomed to nightmares." He extended his hand. "Remus Lupin, professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts."

I shook his hand and smiled in return. "Caitlin Shaw, alchemical researcher for the United States Department of Magick."

"So what brings you to Great Britain?" Remus asked, leaning back in his seat. "You're a long way from home."

"I have some old business to settle," I told him, not wishing to explain the charm placed on me as a baby. I liked the look of this Remus; he was handsome and his face was open and kind. There are some people I feel I can instantly trust and he seemed to be one of them.

"Shaw," Remus said thoughtfully. "But you're an American, aren't you?"

I nodded. "I am now. I was naturalized at 16. I grew up in the States after my parents moved us there when I was five."

"Any relation to Lord Douglas Shaw?" Remus asked. He seemed suddenly very interested in my family's background.

"He was my grandfather," I said softly. "I don't remember him or my grandmother but I've been told they loved me very much."

"I'm sorry," Remus said. "I heard they died during the first war. It was quite a loss."

I looked at him, startled. He seemed to know more about my family than I did. "I didn't know that. I was just told they died. Were they involved in the fight against You-Know-Who?"

Remus nodded. "Lord Shaw was a major financer of the resistance and a recruiter for the effort. Lady Shaw was a healer. They were targeted by the Dark Lord shortly after you left England."

This was more news than my parents had ever shared with me. I felt a lump of grief in my throat at the thought of these people dying in battle. They had been my kin and I didn't even know them.

"I upset you," Remus said, his voice again concerned. "Please, I'm sorry, that wasn't my intent."

I waved him away. "No, no," I said. "I just didn't know. My parents never said why we left and I stopped asking after a while."

He regarded me for a moment before suggesting we choose another subject. I asked him about his classes and we discussed my work as a researcher for the Department of Magick. We arrived at Hogsmead after dark.

Remus helped me with my luggage and asked where I was staying in the village.

"I'm not," I said. "I have instructions to stay at the school."

"Well, then," Remus said, somewhat surprised. "We can share a carriage. There's no one at the school right now; it's another month before the students return. But I'm sure the house elves will be delighted to have another person to prepare dinner for."

I raised an eyebrow. "House elves? Really? I haven't seen a house elf since I was a very little girl."

Remus smiled, taken by my sudden interest. "I imagine they don't employ many elves in the Americas."

"Not really," I told him. "We freed them during the muggle Civil War. Some will work for hire at the bigger institutions but not many for individual families anymore."

We made our way to a waiting horseless carriage. Remus helped me to climb inside and sat next to me while a porter handled our luggage. The carriage lurched forward and made its way to the castle.

Argus Filch, a nasty looking man who sneered at our approach, met Remus and me at the front doors. He said our luggage would be sent to our rooms and dinner would be in the dinning room off the Great Hall in an hour.

"Sir," I said, "I don't know where my rooms are. Could you show me?"

"Do I look like a bloody page?" Filch snapped at me.

Remus stepped between us. "Argus, the lady meant no insult and you know that. Perhaps if you tell me, I can show her to her room?"

"Very well, professor," Filch said, his eyes sliding past me to the fair-haired man. "Dumbledore's given her temporary rooms on the Ravenclaw tower, behind the tapestry of Hekate and her Familiar."1

"See, that wasn't so difficult," Remus said. He motioned to me with a smile. "Lady Shaw, this way."

I smiled in return and rested my hand on his arm. "Thank you," I said as we climbed the great staircase. "But I'm not Lady Shaw. That was my grandmother."

Remus turned his head and gave a wolfish grin, looking very amused. "Oh, but you are. You are the granddaughter of Lord Douglas Shaw and his only heir."

Remus helped me to settle in my rooms and promised to return in hour to escort me to dinner. My luggage had arrived and was mysteriously unpacked for me. I bathed in a big footed tub and selected a bright skirt and white blouse for dinner. Over them I pulled on a red open robe and finished by brushing out my long hair and quickly putting in a side braid with ribbons.

There was a knock at the door and a refreshed looking Remus entered. We walked to the dinning room together, while he explained the history of Hogwarts castle and the school, pointing out significant paintings and suggesting I stay away from Mrs. Norris, Filch's cat.

Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall met us in the dinning room. Another woman, divinations professor, I think, came in after us, along with a giant of man.

"Lady Shaw," Dumbledore said, greeting me warmly. "I knew your grandparents well. I am honored to meet you." He took my hand and smiled so opening I had to grin in return. Dumbledore steered me into a seat to his right and slid the chair in as I sat.

"Please, sir," I corrected. "It's Dr. Shaw, but I prefer Caitlin. No one has called me lady before today." I glanced toward Remus, who smiled in return.

"Dr. Shaw, of course," Dumbledore repeated. He motioned for the others to take their places. Remus sat across from me. Dumbledore took his own chair and suddenly the table was filled with beautiful dishes for dinner. "Professor Snape asked me to convey his apologies for his absence. He was called away for his work and expects to return next week."

Professor McGonagall coughed beside me. I turned toward her and she sniffed, clearly displeased about something. Dumbledore sent her a level gaze over his half-moon glasses.

I sighed. "Well, I can't say I'm pleased. I was hoping to meet with him and return home before then."

"You're business is with Severus?" Remus asked, pouring his wine.

"Yes," I said. "Old family business." I turned again to Dumbledore. "Would it be possible for me to use your library? I didn't have much time to research the," I paused, watching Remus. I wasn't sure what I wanted him to know. "The charm placed on me. I'm looking for a way to break it."

"Ah," Dumbledore said thoughtfully. He stared at his plate for a moment. "Yes, Severus explained why you were here. I may have books you would be interested in, also."

"What charm" – Remus tried to ask but was cut off by McGonagall. "You may use my office, Dr. Shaw, if you like. I dare say you have a lot to consider."

"Maybe not," I replied. A beautiful man sat across from me and the one who haunted my dreams had not even bothered to meet me. There wasn't a lot to consider: I had no intention of going through with this sham of a marriage.

"_There is no a choice," he argued, his voice flat._

"_Severus, there is always a choice," I replied. "It's easy: I choose not to marry."_

"_You do not understand. It will only become worse until the spell is completed."_

"_The one binding me to a total stranger? So, we break the spell."_

_He was pacing, angry again. "Do you wish madness on us? This searching until to consumes our every move?"_

"_Oh, and getting married and giving up my plans isn't madness? We've lived without each other for 25 years. What difference does it make?"_

_He held up his right hand. Blood oozed from the gash. My left hand stung and I turned the palm up to see blood running from a deep cut._

"_It makes all the difference, Caitlin."_

I woke up, out of breath, hearing Severus' words echo in the silence: _it makes all the difference_. Rising from bed, I wrapped my bathrobe around me and padded into the small kitchen. Dumbledore had provided me with rooms suited for a squib; I had a small gas stove and refrigerator. The lamps were charmed to light themselves when I entered a room. I set about mixing herbs to help me fall back into a dreamless sleep.

_It makes all the difference_. I did not know what that could mean. Hopefully, my research would make sense of this. The dreams had increased in frequency to the point where I couldn't sleep at night without having at least one. Always the bleeding hands. Always his instance that we marry to complete the charm.

I stirred honey into the tea and sipped it slowly, wandering into the parlor to sit by the embers of my fire. The first dream had been four months ago; I had woken up shouting at Severus that I was not going to accept a British invasion in my life. It had taken me five minutes to return to myself, recognizing that I was alone in my bedroom.

A bird started to sing outside my window as I dozed off. Collecting my cup and saucer, I left them on the kitchen counter and slipped back into bed. Maybe the coming day would bring me more options.

I slept through breakfast, washed up and headed to the library with my notebooks. Madam Pince pointed me toward the reference books on binding spells, but sniffed when I said I wanted information on the matrimonious charm. "That's not done anymore," she said coldly. I smiled tightly, thanked her and moved away. The books she had offered me were helpful only with the history and the tradition that formed the charm. I made notes, hoping something would cross-reference later. After four hours I still hadn't found anything on how to break the charm, or curse, as I was beginning to think of it.

"How does the research go?" A warm voice said from above me. My head had finally landed on the table amid open books and strewn parchment. I knew it was too early to be frustrated but I was there.

"It sucks," I told Remus without lifting my head. "I'm doomed."

Remus pulled out a chair opposite from me and sat down, reaching out to take my hand. "You're doomed after only one morning's research?'

I sighed and squeezed his hand, sitting back up. "Well, maybe not." I indicated another pile of books. "I have those waiting for this afternoon. Maybe there's hope in there. Besides, I have a week to figure out what I need."

Remus took one of the books and turned it around. He read intently before saying, "I do teach defense against the dark arts. Maybe I can help you."

"Maybe," I debated telling him. Other than my mother, I hadn't shared this burden with anyone and it was tempting to have professional help. But then, I thought while surveying this beautiful blond man, I was starting to like Remus. Did I want him know?

"Well, you have books on binding charms, familial charms, legal contracts, magical contracts," he said, flipping through them. He was starting to look worried. "Traditions of old families, landed families, histories." Remus looked me in the eyes, frowning. "Caitlin, what is going on?'

"Promise you won't laugh?" I asked nervously. Remus nodded. "I'm trying to find out how to break the matrimonious charm."

Remus said nothing but continued to hold onto my hand. I took a deep breath. "My parents, being part of the pure-blood tradition, promised me to another family's son when I was about eight months old. They sealed it with the matrimonious charm and created a magical contract."

"Then they took you America before it could be fulfilled," he finished. "That's the old business you're here to settle."

"Right," I said. "I have no desire to marry a man I've never met. But the charm has activated and now, I can't sleep without dreaming about him, I can't walk into a room without looking for him, I can't do anything without this sense of foreboding and it's all tied to the charm. And this," I waved toward a pile of papers, "says that unless the charm is completed, it can eventually drive the couple crazy and they lose touch with reality. Remus, I didn't choose this. How can I be forced to consent to it to keep my sanity?"

"It's the nature of magical contracts," he told me. "They are done to ensure the desired result is eventually achieved." Remus regarded me and squeezed my hand. "To whom where you promised?"

I stared at my notebook, feeling the warmth of his palm, hearing the evident worry in his voice. It was nothing like the cold that permeated my dreams. "Severus Snape," I whispered. "Son of Lord and Lady Snape."

"You are doomed," Remus said. I looked up and felt as if I would cry. "Oh, Caitlin, I'm sorry. Of course I will help you find a way to break the charm. I've known Severus since we were students here; I can understand you not wanting to marry him."

The tears leaked from my eyes before I could stop them. "If we don't, then I have to marry him to stay sane, whether I want to or not."

I couldn't help it, the tears continued to come. I started to cry, cramming my fist in my mouth. Remus left his side of the table, taking me in his arms. He whispered "hush" softly in my hair, rocking me in the chair.

"Remus," I sobbed, "what am I to do? I'm not British anymore. I'm not from here. I don't know this man. I barely know you."

Madam Pince coughed from behind us. Remus pulled a handkerchief from the inside of his robes and pressed it into my hand. He waved his wand at my books and notes, which promptly flew together into my messenger bag.

"Come on," he said. "You haven't eaten yet. Let's get you out of here."

Remus collected me and we swept through the library, past a scolding Madam Pince.

Remus set me on the davenport in his rooms. I heard him running water in the loo. He returned with a cool washing cloth and sat down beside me.

"Hush, pet," Remus directed, laying the flannel over my forehead. "I've asked the kitchen to send up some lunch. In the meantime, I want you to stay still and rest."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry, Remus," I said. "I just hadn't told anyone else about this. Dumbledore seems to know. My mother won't tell me anything. My – what the hell is he, fiancé? -- summons me and then doesn't even show up at the airport."

He chuckled. "It does sound like a bit much. I imagine this has been something of a shock."

"Remus, I haven't slept through a night in three months," I groaned. "I passed a bit much a while ago."

Remus patted my hand and stood back up. "You aren't alone in this dilemma anymore. Right now, let's get some food in you."

The elves sent cream soup and sandwiches to up to us. Remus served me at my place on the davenport. He had placed a tine record on a phonograph while we ate. Afterward, we spread the books and notes out to continue working. The afternoon slipped by. We shared notes and read paragraphs aloud to one another.

Finally, I just laid my book down and watched Remus work. He was concentrating on what he was reading, his lips moving as his eyes scanned the page. He hadn't bulked when I told him about the charm. Instead, Remus was there searching for an answer with me. He did this for me and we had only met yesterday.

"Something I can get you something, Cait?" he answered without looking up. "You're staring at me."

I giggled. "Sorry, Remus. I was just thinking."

"What about?" he asked.

I stalled a moment. "In my dreams, we always have blood on our hands. His right hand and my left seem cut."

"Ah," Remus thought. He flicked through a book that had been by his feet. "That has to do with the binding affect. According to this, when the charm was paced on you, your blood was mixed together. You must be dreaming some memory of that moment."

I leaned off the couch to read over his shoulder. "Blood magic? I thought that wasn't done."

"Oh, it's done, just not usually," he replied, his finger tracing over the page. "It's for relationship spells, which yours is, and in dark arts." Remus paused and turned back to me. "You don't know why your parents took you away?"

I shook my head. He pulled a large book of newspapers out from under the davenport. "This might explain it. Look."

Remus opened the book to an article, judging by the date, written when I was about three. "Snape family supports Voldemort" read the headline. It summarized Lord Snape's views on the benefits of Voldemort's politics and endorsed the suggestion that Muggle-borns should be excluded from wizarding society. My stomach turned over.

"When Severus came here, he was already steeped in dark magic he had learned at home," Remus added when I finished reading. "His father was a Death Eater at that point."

"I was promised to the son of my grandfather's enemy?" I asked. The strange parts of my childhood were beginning to make sense.

"Your parents may have hoped to break the charm by taking you away," Remus suggested.

"So why has it activated now?" I asked. I rested my chin on his shoulder, breathing in Remus' scent. He smelled of fresh soap and musk, very pleasant. His cheek was smooth against mine.

He absently tapped my temple. "Perhaps because of the timing. Magical contracts will activate themselves if they're not fulfilled. That's usually built into the spell."

"Hmm," I thought about this and took another lungful of his scent before returning to my spot on the davenport. "I just turned 30. That's about when the dreams started, too."

"So, the timing component was tied to your age, then," Remus theorized. "I wonder if any other part of it was tied to you."

"Other than the whole thing?" I quipped, flipping over a notebook.

"Other than the whole thing," Remus said. "There may be a release, tied to you. We find it, we cancel the spell. Although," he added, leaning his head back and winking at me, "you do that sniffing thing again and I won't be in a hurry to send you back to the Americas."

I ruffled his hair. "Really, now?" I leaned closer to him, my voice low. Remus' hand came up and drew me close to him. "Really," he said gruffly in my ear before bringing my lips to his mouth.

I closed my eyes, tasting his lips. His scent was now all around me. Remus rose to his knees, taking me again in his arms, breathing heavily against my skin.

"Caitlin," he said. "This is not – " Remus didn't finish. He continued to kiss me, brushing his cheek against mine.

I misunderstood. I pushed my fingers through his hair and slid off the davenport to be closer to him. "It's a stupid charm and we'll find away to break it."

Remus pulled away from me but continued to grip my hands. "No, no," he said. Now it looked like his turn to cry. ", I'm sorry. It has been a long time since a woman would be this close to me."

"Remus," I said softly, "I find that hard to believe."

He kissed the palms of my hands. "You may want to leave when I tell you. I'll understand if you do."

I touched his chin and leaned in for another kiss. "I doubt that."

Remus looked away from me and his lips barely moved as he spoke. "I have lycanthropy. I was bitten before I came to Hogwarts. That's why I traveled here before the other teachers; I'll be transformed when they normally return."

He held his breath, waiting for my rejection. I put my palm on the side of his face to turn his eyes back to me. "Wow," I said slowly. "In one day we shared our worst secrets. I guess that means we trust each other."

Remus said nothing. Emotions warred across his face. Gently, I kissed him. He was frozen for a moment before passionately returning the kiss.

"Did I mention I'm an bioalchemical researcher?" I whispered as we sank into each other's arms. "You take the Wolfsbane, right?"

"Yes," Remus said weakly. He laughed sadly. "Severus brews it for me."

"Good," I told him. "It's a wonder potion. As long as you take that, it's okay. You can't transmit the disease except through blood and even then you need to transform." I smoothed back his hair. "I don't give up on friends just because they're sick. And," I said, noting his mention of Severus' name, "if he won't brew it for you because of – this – I will."

"This," Remus said, drawing me back to him, "is wonderful."

"This" carried on for the rest of the afternoon. Late that night I wrote a letter back to my research assistant, asking him to send me summaries of all our current research on lycanthropy, only with the department recent notes on genetic transference.

"_What do you think you're doing?" he lashed at me, storming across the room._

"_Who are you to tell me what to do?" I demanded in return. I stood my ground, determined not to be moved._

"_We are bound by the matrimonious charm. You cannot change that."_

"_Oh, really? Watch me. Remus and I will find a way."_

"_Werewolf," he spat. "My wife is consorting with a werewolf."_

"_I am not your wife, Severus."_

"_Not yet, Lady Shaw."_

I woke up swearing to peel paint from the stone walls, flailing angrily. Remus was instantly awake, taking my arms and speaking softly. "It's a dream, just a dream," he repeated over and over. "It's not real. He's not here."

Coming back to myself, I slumped against Remus in the dark. He pulled the blankets closer around us and rocked me slowly.

"He's going to be so angry when he comes back," I said in a terrified whisper. "Remus, he hates you, doesn't he?"

Remus nodded in the dark, his face outlined by the dim light coming from my window. "A friend of ours tricked him when we were students, before the Wolfsbane potion. Severus was almost trapped with me during my transformation."

I shivered despite the warm blankets. "He called me his wife," I said.

Remus brushed the hair from my eyes. "Well, you're not and we are going to find a way to prevent it from happening.

"The charm is growing stronger, isn't it?" I asked. "The dreams, the compulsion. It feels like he's just in the other room, waiting."

"Well, I have it on good authority that Severus Snape is not in the other room," Remus told me, trying to sound humorous. "He's in Dover, finishing a project."

I rested against Remus, taking comfort in his presence. Our relationship during the week of research had intensified quickly. This was the second night we had shared my bed. Caught between my charm and his illness, we had not pushed the relationship further, and instead wrapped our arms around each other and fallen asleep, content in simple closeness. My dreams, though, had woken both of us sometime past midnight.

"Is he affected the same way?" I shivered, despite the covers. "How does he seem to know what is happening in my life?"

Remus was thoughtful, stroking my hair. "I imagine he is," he said at last. "The dreams seem to be a connection between you. Although is a skilled Legilimens."

"He had better not be intentionally doing this," I said darkly. "I'll kill."

Remus kissed me lightly. "That's one way to break the charm, I'm sure," he said. "But you may have to queue up."

"Two more days and he comes back," I said. I felt Remus nod beside me. "And then the moon is coming and you transform." I turned a little to see him better. "I can brew the potion for you and Travis sent the information on our research, if you want to read it. Would you like me to sit with you when you transform?"

"Sit with me?" Remus sounded confused. "I'm very interested in your research, but I don't understand why you'd sit with me."

"One of my friends in college was a lycanthrope on Wolfsbane," I explained. "We used to take turns sitting with her while she was in her wolf's form. I usually did homework. It was just to make sure she was alright."

Remus was quiet and I became afraid I had somehow offended him. I softly said his name.

"I've never had anyone offer to stay with me, other than the Marauders and they only did that in their animagus forms," he finally said. "Thank you. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable, though, having you there. I'm still worried I would hurt you."

I kissed him and snuggled against Remus' side. "I'm not. I'm going to say you'd never hurt me, in any form."

"Not willingly, Cait," he said. He continued to stroke my hair. "We need to sleep, pet. We're meeting with Dumbledore after breakfast."

"Maybe he'll have something we can use," I said and found myself yawning. "Remus, I'm glad I told you. I hadn't realized what a burden this was until you offered to help."

Six hours later Remus and I were ushered into chairs in Dumbledore's office. There was another stack of books piled at the edged of his desk while the man himself watched us enter over his half-moon glasses.

"Well," he said, "have you found a solution?"

I flopped in the chair. "No, sir."

"Dr. Shaw, I sympathize with you and with Severus," Dumbledore told me. "However, Severus' role in our war against Voldemort is too important to risk losing him. If you cannot find a way to cancel the matrimonious charm, I will insist you complete the contract."

"Marry him?" I said, feeling my anger rise again. "Professor, I have no intention of marrying someone I don't know."

"Then I suggest you come to know Severus," Dumbledore said. He regarded me for a moment before turning sad eyes toward Remus. "I am sorry."

Remus nodded. "I expected this, Albus." Remus reached across to take my hand and give it a squeeze. The defeated look from him was maddening. "Perhaps, you could hold the ceremony during the full moon."

I squeezed his hand in return. "No," I told him. "You don't get away that easily." I turned back to Dumbledore. "You seem to know everything: How long do we have before the charm become irreversible?"

"It already is, doctor," Dumbledore said. He motioned toward the stack of books. "I've recalled Severus early in order to complete the spell. He is having difficulty with his work while trying to block the binding spell. However, I can offer you some hope. Proximity should dull the side-effects for a while, once Severus returns. It may give you more time."

"Anything," I said.

"Severus is not a bad man," Dumbledore said gently. "He would take good care of you."

"Albus, how can you say that?" Remus said. He gripped my hand more tightly. "We both know what Severus is like. Don't lie to the lady."

"I speak the truth, Remus," Dumbledore said without heat. "I trust Severus and believe he is a good person. He is also gruff, cold, snide, professional, a former Death Eater and not very popular with the students. Does that satisfy you?"

"It's certainly more accurate," Remus conceeded.

"I have been doing my own research on this and the circumstance of your promising," Dumbledore continued. "It was validly conferred. It will also prevent you from marrying anyone else, both legally and magically. It was sealed until the death of one of the parties."

I looked from Dumbledore to Remus and smirked. "I mean it, I'll kill him." Remus gave me a thin smile. "Queue starts in the back," he replied.

"I would prefer my potions master to remain living," Dumbledore said, picking up on the private joke. "Severus returns tomorrow in order to brew your potion, Remus. I will endeavor to prevent him from having the ceremony until after the full moon. I will give you both as much time as I can."

"Thank you, Albus," Remus said. He stood up and I followed him. "We have more research to do then."

My rooms had taken on the look of a disorganized library by the end of the day. Plates from lunch were tucked about the mess. I had changed into shorts and a tank top, which I felt made it easier for me to think. Remus had dropped his robe upon returning from our meeting with Dumbledore and sat with one leg over the arm of the chair in loose trousers and his dress shirt. Our easy affection remained but was over-layered by desperation. Severus would return tomorrow. I would meet the man who had haunted my dreams before dinner the next day.

I wanted to present him with an alternative as soon as we met.

Evening came and the lamps lit themselves. I was checking the clock when Remus noticed. "Did you do that? I don't remember hearing you light them."

I absently shook my head, reaching for the chimney powder to call the kitchens. "No, they're charmed to light for me."

Remus closed the book he was studying and stood up from the chair, stretching. "Why would you charm the lamps?"

"I didn't," I said. "I can't. Dumbledore must have when he had the rooms readied for me." I gave him a half smile, realizing that during the past week Remus hadn't figured it out. Most wizards missed it when they first met me. "I'm a near squib. I can't do magic and I have just enough to function in our world. That's why I went into alchemy and healing research."

Remus crossed the room to put his arms around my waist and draw me closer to him. "You are full of surprises. No wonder I am so fond of you." He kissed me sweetly.

"And here I thought it was my good looks," I joked.

"Well, those too," he admitted. "Too bad it's a magical contract. Being a squib or a near squib would have been grounds to annul the contract, otherwise."

"Yeah, I found that a few days ago," I said. His body was pressed against mine and I could feel his warmth. "I thought about marrying someone else, too, but legally I can't, so there goes that idea."

"Who would you have married, to avoiding getting married?" Remus asked. "This sounds like an amusing theory."

I shrugged, resting my head on his shoulder. "There's no one at home. My best friend is a girl and my research assistant is gay. So I don't know."

Remus gently tilted my head up so I could see him. He was frowning before he kissed me. "I know we just met, and the situation wouldn't be much different from the one you are currently facing, but would you consider me?" he asked softly.

"The situation is different," I told him so softly, that had he not carried the characteristics of the wolf, he might not have heard me. "The difference is you, and how I feel about you."

"And what do you feel?" he whispered.

"Remus," I protested, suddenly very unsure while facing a moment of clarity. "It's only been a week."

"Then let me tell you how I feel, because I am afraid of losing you forever," he said, baring his teeth. "I have never felt this for another person. I am willing to risk what I have for you. I am willing to duel with Severus for you. I don't know if I have every fallen in love before. But that is what I feel for you."

I held my breath, waiting for the tirade to continue. In my past, it always had. It ended with his unwillingness to commit, to say what he wanted, adding how much my friendship meant.

It didn't come. He slumped against me, trembling.

"Remus," I said. My heart beat loudly in my ears. "Yes. Yes, I love you."

The world stood still. I felt his magic rise as if a wind had suddenly picked up in the room. Remus seemed to be trying to shield us.

"_Caitlin."_

I heard another voice in the room. I whirled to face empty air. Then I saw him, standing there, arms crossed, black robes hanging from his shoulders. Severus' face was imposing and made even more terrifying by its translucency. Remus held on to me as I began to scream.

"_Caitlin. It does not matter whom you love. You belong to me. That is the contract."_

"Remus," I gasped. "He's here, he's here!"

"Who is here, Caitlin?" Remus asked. He moved to put himself between me and the empty spot in the room.

"_The charm must be completed. You understand that now."_

"No! I refuse! I didn't choose this and neither did you!" I shouted at the shade.

"Is it Severus?" Remus asked. "Can you see him?"

"Yes!" I cried, pointing to the spot where my hallucination stood. "He's here!"

Remus scooped me up and kicked open my door. "I'm taking you to Dumbledore. There must be something he can do."

I wept into his shirt as he carried me through the castle. Remus' scent enveloped me and I gasped, clinging to him. He moved quickly through the castle ways until we came to the tower entrance of the headmaster's office. He barked the passed word and the great stone phoenix began to move. We rode the grinding staircase to the open office above. Remus carefully placed me in a squishy chintz chair beside the fireplace.

Dumbledore had been sitting at his desk when Remus carried me in. He was quickly beside us, kneeling next to the chair with his hand on my forehead.

"Do something for her," Remus commanded. "I don't want to hear anything more of magical contracts and promisings. The woman I love is suffering, Dumbledore, and I want you to make it stop."

It seemed to me Severus was already in the room, pacing, arms folded. He was angry and not a little bit frightening. I cowered in the chair, turning from the old man to the young one to the invisible one.

"Please," I pleaded, "don't make me do this." I clawed at Remus' sleeve.

"Dear one," Dumbledore said. He shook his head and stood again, placing his hand on Remus' arm. There were tears in his eyes. "I knew you had to try to find a solution. But there is none. The charm has activated. Severus is on his way. The binding spell can only be broken when one of the dies. I cannot do anything. They must complete the contract."

Remus growled. He held on to my hand. "She can't marry him," he lashed.

"Caitlin must," Dumbledore told him. "We cannot afford to lose Severus, and it's evident she will lose her mind if the spell isn't completed." He looked wryly from Remus to me. "If it's any comfort, Severus is none too pleased about this himself."

"All the more reason why she should not have to do this," Remus said. His voice sounded far away. I heard Dumbledore answer and then Remus again. Their voices seemed to be drifting in and out, like a badly tuned muggle radio. It was becoming hard to see.

"_I am sorry, Caitlin. This must be done."_

"No, Severus. Find the counter spell."

"_There is none. That is how these things were done."_ He seemed sad to me.

"Were done. But they aren't anymore."

"_I will be there soon. We will discuss it then."_

"Since when have you waited to discuss it!" I shouted, startling Remus and Dumbledore from their own argument. "You're not even bothering to wait until I'm asleep now!"

I heard, dimly, as Dumbledore said, "Somonus." There was the sensation of falling and I knew nothing more.

Severus arrived in the castle late that night. He went directly to his rooms, bathed and rested. He rose early in the morning and brewed the Wolfsbane potion for Remus, who would need to take it every day in the next week. It was waiting at Remus' place at the head table when we arrived for breakfast. Seeing it there, we knew the potions master had returned.

I woke in Remus' rooms, curled under his arm. He had brought me there to care for me after Dumbledore had placed the charmed sleep over me. There had been no dreams, due either to the sleeping spell or proximity to Severus. For one peaceful moment I had watched Remus sleep. The charm faded slowly, leaving me able to think only in the present. My present was with a beautiful blond man I loved, who held me as he slept. I had no desire to be elsewhere.

"You're staring at me," Remus whispered. I giggled and nudged up to kiss his cheek.

"You're cute," I told him. "I like to stare."

Remus opened his eyes and rolled to his side. He kissed me, a long, slow kiss. It grew and became more passionate. I pressed closer to him, letting my hands roam. His body wanted mine as much as mine wanted his.

"I cannot ask you," he panted against my neck. "I want so badly."

"You don't have to ask," I whispered fiercely. I had managed to push off his pajama shirt and was struggling with the waistband. Remus moaned deep in his throat. "I belong to no one and right now I want to belong to you."

Remus slid his hands under the nightgown I wore and easily pulled it over my head. He kissed me, his mouth sliding over me neck and his lips across my collar bone. I freed him from his night pants and pushed my leg between his legs.

"Whatever you do," Remus said at last, "don't bite me. No blood."

"No blood," I repeated. "Right." An idea almost distracted me. "You're only contagious through blood." I kissed him, feeling his body build against me. "I am so going to do lab work."

Remus pushed me on my back, brushing away the coverlet. The morning light illuminated the length of his body, causing his bare skin to glow a soft red. "Not right now, you aren't," he said, moving gently down my chest and between my breasts. "Right now may be all we have."

I laughed. He glanced at me long enough to wiggle his eyebrows. Very gently, he settled himself on me. I wrapped me arms around him and drew Remus into another long, slow kiss. We both gasped as he entered me. For a long, stunned moment Remus did not move then, but gripped me to him.

There was a soft guttural sound that came from my throat as he fiercely thrust. I rose to meet him, sinking deeper into his bed. I kissed his mouth, his chin, his throat. His breath came heavily in my ear as he panted. The smell of sweat and musk and vanilla rose around us. We moved in tandem, feeling the wave mount without breaking.

"Remus, Remus," I mumbled, simply to make sound. He drew back to kiss me while his hands did wonderful things to my body.

For his part, he was almost quiet, moaning softly. He moved with fascination. Remus watched me, smiling lightly before the waves overtook him again.

It was a moment of urgency and desperation when the wave finally crested and broke. He growled and caught my small scream with his mouth. I held on tightly, feeling my breath stop and my spirit suspend itself with his.

We were careful, there was no blood. I later found bruises where we had held onto each other so tightly.

Two hours later we entered the Great Hall, holding hands. With the calm brought by our lovemaking, we believed all things were possible. The charm would be broken. I had come here to demand the right to make my own choices and knew now who I would choose. Remus, for his part, was willing to take on prejudicial laws concerning werewolves and negative attitudes faced by squibs. Our certainty told us we could overcome anything.

It was the smoking goblet and the brief note that read "Wolfsbane potion. Drink straight away" that crashed into our private world as it stretched toward infancy.

Remus lifted the goblet and gazed into it. I touched his shoulder and he looked at me, his face calm but very sad. Without a word, he drank it in two cringing gulps.

"Too bad sugar makes it ineffective," he said by way of apology.

I took my seat beside him, laying my hand over his. "Yes, but stevia doesn't change its effectiveness. It can be brew with that herb to sweeten it."

Remus gave a short laugh. "I was unaware of that," he said.

It came to me that Severus purposely brewed the potion to be at its worst tasting. I shook my head. Remus squeezed my hand.

Professor McGonagall entered from the side door and frowned when she saw our joined hands. She paused at my side, lips thinly pursed.

"Lady Shaw," she said sharply. "Professor Dumbledore has asked that you report to his office."

I stood up and thanked her. Remus also stood, despite McGonagall shaking her head at him. We left the hall in silence and made our way to the moving staircase and up to the headmaster's office.

In the center of the room stood Professor Dumbledore and Severus Snape. I was keenly aware of Remus standing beside me, of the warmth of his body, of his very scent. Dumbledore and Severus turned away from their conversation as we entered. Severus looked directly into my eyes, his face very solemn.

Dumbledore stepped toward me, politely taking my elbow. He indicated toward Severus. "Professor Snape, may I introduce the Lady Caitlin Shaw." I extended my hand to Severus, pushing down my raging emotions with well-refined professionalism. "Lady Shaw, this is Professor Severus Snape, Lord of Snape."

"Professor Snape," I addressed him, unable to say the courtesies that it was a pleasure or an honor. After my torment, it was neither.

"Lady Shaw," Severus said, firmly taking my hand. He shook my hand as professionally as I had extended it. "I wish these were better circumstances."

Behind me Remus angrily growled. Severus' dark eyes flitted past me to the other professor.

"Did you drink your potion, Lupin?" he asked blandly. His eyes returned to me.

"Yes, Severus," Remus said tightly. "Thank you."

Dumbledore rubbed his hands together and walked to Lupin. "Come, Remus," Dumbledore said. "Caitlin and Severus need some time to become acquainted." He put his hand firmly on Remus' arm and seemed to pull him from the room. I watched them leave. The room was suddenly too empty.

Severus led me to the same chair I had sat in the first day I met with Dumbledore. He took the chair opposite me and steepled his fingers while watching me. I held my head up and faced him.

"I find myself at a loss on how to begin, Caitlin," Severus finally said. "Dumbledore has warned me you have spent considerable time research the martimonious charm and how it might be broken."

"You don't want to get married, do you?" I asked him. "In all my dreams you seem to think it's the only thing we can do."

"I have been researching the spell also," he told me. There was a long pause. "I am sorry to tell you I haven't found a way for it to be broken either except by death. That is part of the spell's intentionality."

"Well," I said, trying to sound light, "then I'll have to kill you."

Severus surveyed me for a moment, trying to read how serious I was in that suggestion. "I have been told there is a queue," he said at last, a smirk crossing his lips.

We sat quietly for a two minutes. I sighed and sank back in the chair.

"Severus," I began. He nodded. "Have you been having the same dreams as I have? Blood on our hands? You telling me there is nothing else we can do?"

Severus looked thoughtful before replying. "Yes," he said. "Most often you insist we marry in order to end the debilitating side-effects of the charm." I started to protest and he held up his hand. "I believe that is part of the charm's compulsion. It was not so much you speaking as the original spell acting through your image."

"Oh," I said, processing this. The spell was what had been haunting my dreams and not Severus after all. "So, you haven't been demanding we get married?"

"No, Caitlin, I have not." He waited before adding, "However, cannot see a way to avoid it. It is the only way to prevent this charm from driving both of us insane. You have the right to know that I am the master spy for the Order of the Phoenix. If I am unable to fulfill that responsibility, Voldemort will surely succeed. There is too much at stake. I regret, madam, that the charm was must be completed."

"The Order of the Phoenix," I repeated. "Such as the Society Americana Magicka?" He nodded. "A colleague of mine, Calypso DelaMer, belongs to it."

"We are working closely with the Society," he said. "So you understand."

I began to cry. Severus left his chair to kneel beside me. "I am sorry," he said again. "Dumbledore is explaining it now to Lupin. I have arranged for an official from Hogsmead to arrive tomorrow evening for the ceremony."

Severus took both my hands and peered up into my face. I tried to still my sobs. "There is no other way," I said, feeling defeat for the first time.

"Perhaps, Caitlin, you will find life with me is not too terrible," he said, his voice soft. "I would not have to chosen to marry at this point. There is a great deal of danger in my life right now and I would not willingly expose you or anyone else to it if I did not have to." He brushed the hair away from the side of my face. "I cannot promise I am capable of loving you but I will do my best to protect and care for you as long as you live."

"I know this is true," I said, trying to not cry again. "And that I should say the same. But I think I have fallen in love with Remus and I don't want to hurt you."

Severus' face was very hard and he dropped his hand from my hair. "Dumbledore has told me." His jaw worked for a moment as he fought back anger. "Again, I am sorry."

"So am I," I told him.

Remus was cold when I slipped into his rooms. He seemed older and more still than I had ever seen him. I went to him and took him in my arms. We said nothing before he began to cry. I led him to the davenport and joined him in tears. Evening came again before either of us to could speak.

"So, when will it happen?" Remus asked. He had gotten up to wash his face and compose himself before fixing us tea. I accepted the hot cup and sipped the amber liquid, letting it scald my throat.

"Tomorrow night," I told him, my voice hollow. "Remus, may I ask a terrible favor of you?"

"Caitlin, you can ask me to do anything," he said, sitting again beside me.

I took his hand. This hurt. "Will you stand as my witness?"

The surprise registered clearly in Remus' eyes. He slowly nodded. "Yes," he said. "Anything for you."

We again shared his bed that night. Our lovemaking was confined to holding each other and kisses in the dark. It felt like a death vigil.

The steaming goblet waited again for Remus as we came in for breakfast. He drank it without a word as we sat down. Severus was already there, reading the Daily Prophet as he drank his coffee. Dumbledore and McGonagall were talking softly. There were a few more people than before and Remus quietly remarked the rest of the staff would arrive during the next few days. He added the moon would come to full the day after tomorrow.

"I do not want you to come to my rooms then," Remus said.

"I'm not worried about you hurting me," I reminded him. "The potion prevents that. If you want, I can bring a tranquilizer potion."

"No," he whispered fiercely. "I do not want you to see me like that. Not human."

"You are always human," I retorted. I lowered my whisper further. "Even in the form of Brother Wolf." I squeezed his hand. "Remus, I don't fear the wolf. I was in Bear Lodge, but a member of the Wolf Clan in school."

Remus tilted his head and a sad smile graced his lips. "Of course," he said. "Now I understand."

There was a shuffling and our attention moved back down the table. Severus had left his chair and made his way to us.

"Good morning, Caitlin," he said tightly. "Is there anything I can do for you before this evening? I have already asked the house elves to move you into my rooms."

Why did he have to say that? I wondered. Remus rose from his seat and I realized the answer. These men truly hated one another. Severus was not above using this situation as a way to attack Remus.

"I'm sure you have, Severus," Remus said, his voice neutral. "Have you also selected Caitlin's wedding robes?"

I stood, adopting the posture I had used during countless alchemical disagreements with members of the Department of Magick. "Gentlemen," I said, "I will not have this. Desist now."

Severus bowed slightly to me. "Of course, my lady wife." He spun with a click of his heels.

I was trembling with rage as I watched Severus' retreating form. I sat down and shoved away my breakfast plate. I swore loudly enough to draw the attention of the headmaster.

"Next month," I hissed to Remus, "I am brewing your potion. And I'm adding stevia."

I was called again to Dumbledore's office. He presented me with a scroll. His face was still kind but he looked tired.

"Caitlin, I have a contract for you to work here as an academic researcher," Dumbledore said. "Right now I am having the house elves convert a classroom into an office and laboratory for you. I believe having you here would be a benefit to the school and, I hope, to your work."

I read the contract. It was very generous. Six months ago I would have jumped at this opportunity. Now it felt like another link in the chain. Reluctantly, I put my name on the parchment.

"You mean it is in the best interest of the Order to have me stay here," I corrected.

Dumbledore nodded. "I wanted to make this as pleasant for you as possible, also."

"Thank you, professor," I said. "And what shall I research for you?"

"There will be times when I have something I would like you to work on," Dumbledore said. "But for the time being, you may continue your personal work or work on anything you wish."

I smiled tightly, convinced he already knew what I was going to say. "Lycanthropy is my current personal interest."

Dumbledore nodded grimly. "It is also one of mine," he said. "Anything you can discover to assist those afflicted with it will be a great benefit to our society."

"I don't give a damn about your society," I told him harshly. "Your society created a charm and bound me with it before I could walk. I'm doing this for Remus and you know it."

Dumbledore gave a soft chuckle. "That is what I was hoping you would say."

The wedding ceremony was simple. The official arrived. Severus and I met him in the Room of Requirement, which was configured to resemble a courthouse. I had refused to allow them to have it be a chapel of any sort. I had no faith in this agreement and did not want to invoke the One-Who-Is in any form.

Remus stepped forward with me to sign the marriage license, his face still and haggard. The approaching moon made him weaker as his body prepared to transform. He was determined, though, to stay with me as long as he could. Dumbledore signed on Severus' behalf. My mother still was not there, which, in retrospect, was most likely wise. Remus had told me Dumbledore privately said he was prepared to berate her for having bonded Severus and me in the first place.

The circle was cast. The formal words were exchanged, though no one asked us if we did this freely. The official verified the contract and pronounced us husband and wife. With a glare from Dumbledore, he did not invite the groom to kiss the bride.

It was not completed solely with the legal ceremony. Alone we returned to Severus', and now my, rooms. He poured us whiskey and we silently got drunk before adjourning to the bedroom to complete the spell in its entirety.

No one asked for me when I did not leave those rooms for two days. Severus returned to his classroom and prepared for his students. I sat awake during the night and watched the full moon rise, cross the sky and set, sleeping through the day. Remus would not allow me to go to him but I still kept vigil as best I could.

When the moon had passed, I entered my office and new lab for the first time. I spent days arranging my equipment, setting up a special generator for my laptop computer and cellular phone battery, posting the healer's prescription and special license for charmed muggle artifacts above them. I wrote letters to my former lab assistant and orders for supplies. I quietly had Madam Pomfrey draw several vials of my blood to use in my experiments. I discussed some of my ideas with her. Poppy seemed doubtful but agreed to help as much as she possibly could.

A week later, Severus came to my lab. I ignored him as I poured through an email from a colleague in the southwestern States. He had been working with shapeshifters and had responded eagerly to my suggestion to collaborate.

"Interesting," Severus said. He was holding a centrifuge tube. "The Department for the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts might find some of your equipment worthy of note."

I pointed to the script and license on the wall. "Go ahead," I told him, sending off my reply. "Near-squib with a Ph.D."

Severus replaced the tube. He took a seat at my work table. "How are you doing, Caitlin?"

The consideration of the question struck me. I shut down the computer and swiveled in my chair to face him. "I'm well, Severus," I said, offering him a small smile. "Thank you."

"Dumbledore seems to have provided well for you here," he said, noting the lab. "Perhaps we can work together on some projects."

Severus was trying to be pleasant. I could not do any less if he was making the effort. I nodded. "You're the best in your field. I would be happy to work with you."

"Good, good," he said absently. "I received a copy of your resume and vita from your department director when I wrote to you. I was impressed with your work and the scope of your research. Bioalchemy, genetics and herbal alchemy. You are a medical researcher."

"I was told healing ran in my family," I said. "When it became apparent I would never be a healer, I focused my alchemy in that direction. After I received my mastery at Cornell Wizardry, I applied to the muggle side of the University at Buffalo for bioinformatics. I graduated with honors."

"Very impressive," Severus said. "I suggest, though, you prepare for the feast. The students arrive in an hour and you are expected at the head table. Dumbledore will introduce you."

I groaned and slid from my chair. "Thank you, Severus. I'll go get ready."

He walked with me back to our rooms but allowed me complete privacy to bath and dress. Together we entered the Great Hall, taking adjoining seats to Dumbledore's right. Down the table I could see Remus, looking pale but steady. He had accepted the daily notes I sent him but sent no reply. He saw me and nodded but did not approach us.

I saw Remus only at meals as the term began. I cut my notes back to once a week, discussing parts of my work, some of the students I met and the difference in the weather here and at home. After a while, I sent the notes without the expectation of a reply. It was enough that he accepted them and that Severus overlooked them.

When my dad died, I had thrown myself into my work. I have two patents pending from that time. I did the same at Hogwarts, although I did not discuss the majority of it with anyone. I made a daily circuit of my lab, rooms and the library. I took my meals in my lab, only attending dinner in the Great Hall. I was introduced to the students as Lady Shaw by Professor Dumbledore, who conveniently forgot to add I was married to their potions professor. Severus had no problem answering students' questions and before the month had ended most students knew me as the potions master's wife.

In the library I met a talented sixth-year student named Hermione Granger. We discussed several of the alchemical journals she had found me reading while doing her own research. She had a quick mind for what I was explaining and soon we were diagramming several of the theories in the journal she had been reading. Before long, I invited her to my lab. With the permission of her head of house, I made Hermione my lab assistant. She glowed with pride and was better than Travis had been.

Through Hermione I met Harry Potter, the baby that had ended the first war. He and his friend Ron were inseparable, except when they were fighting. Hermione would take refuge in my office then, explaining the idiocy of 16-year-old boys, while brewing potions that prevented the corrupted cells in my dishes from mutating.

As the full moon approached again, I set aside time each morning to brew the Wolfsbane Potion. Carefully I added the stevia, making notes about the change in scent. I took only a drop to test the flavor and quickly rinsed my mouth. It would never be Coca-Cola but it was palatable. I added the results to my notes for the journal article I was preparing on the necessity of medicinal potions tasting good to the patient.

"This is for Professor Lupin, isn't it?" Hermione asked one day, as she read over the notebook I had left open to the Wolfsbane formula on the work table.

"Yes," I said, looking up from my microscope. "He's a friend of mine."

Hermione wandered away from the table and to the supply cabinet, withdrawing her ingredients for the day. "I didn't know that," she said. "I've haven't seen you together and he never talks about you."

"I take it you know him as friend, also?" I said. The cells were reacting the way I wanted them to, but not regenerating. I made another note.

"Yes," she said, looking at me sideways. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about the old crowd?"

I chuckled. "Far too much, actually. That's part of the reason I'm here."

Hermione looked relieved. "That's good. I mean, I can't talk about them, really, but if you know...." She trailed off. "Is that why you married Professor Snape?"

I looked up from the microscope. "Ah, so you figured out that we're married. No, I married him because we were promised to each other as children." I noted her interested expression and shook my head. "No, Hermione. The rest is private."

_The rest is I love Remus_, a small voice whispered in my head. I went back to the microscope as a lump tightened my throat.

In October a friend from school sent me a moving poster of a great black wolf. Its eyes glowed in the dark and it paced in the frame. I would look at the poster and feel as if the poor creature was captured, separated from the woods of his home and those whom he loves. I thought of Remus. We had not spoken since the night I married Severus. I knew at this point he was avoiding me. On the night of the November moon, I stood outside his rooms, my hand pressed against the door, knowing it would open to me if I gave the password. I could hear him on the other side, pacing the confines of four walls. I sat my vigil alone in the hall beside his door and slipped away with the first light of the morning.

It was the first of December when Hermione walked into the lab, stunned to see me dancing around my computer. I grabbed her up and we twirled to the music I had blaring.2

"What is it?" she asked breathlessly.

"According to the model, my idea works," I told her. "I can prevent him from having to transform!"

Hermione looked confused. She stood in front of the computer, absorbing what I was explaining to her: By injecting a lycanthrope with healthy human blood from a magical person, along with the intravenous potion I had derived from the Wolfsbane, they would not only keep their mind during the full-moon, their body would not transform. The magical blood and potion would prevent the wolven DNA from overwhelming the human DNA, but allow the body to continue to regenerate.

"Oh my God," Hermione finally said, reading my processes through twice. "You've found a cure for werewolves."

I sobered a bit, turning down the music. "Not a cure, but close. As long as the lycanthrope continues to receive the treatments during the time before and after the full moon, he'll go into remission. He can't transmit the virus. He won't transform."

"This is for Remus," Hermione said, reading again. She glanced at me. "Sorry, Professor Lupin. He said we could call him Remus during the summer."

"Yes, it's for Remus," I said. I clenched my fists. "What I need now, is a sample of his blood in order to lab test this. If it works, maybe Madam Pomfrey will get him to agree to a trial. The problem, though, is if it fails, he transforms without the benefit given by the Wolfsbane Potion."

"Have you showen this to Professor Dumbledore yet?" Hermione asked. "This is really complicated."

"You're the first to see it, Hermione," I said. I pressed a few buttons and started printing the file. The second copy I presented to Dumbledore, Pomfrey and Severus an hour later.

"This is not possible." Severus frowned while he spoke, following the process with one finger on the page.

"It is possible," I said. "Besides, we should try. The attitudes toward lycanthropes in this country are horrible. It's an illness, for heaven's sake, not a curse that they've brought on themselves."

"Tainted blood is dangerous," Severus said. "I won't allow you to work with it."

"Allow me?" I retorted. "I don't recall asking your permission. Besides, I'll use universal precautions. I wouldn't do any less at home."

"Poppy, what do you think of this?" Dumbledore asked, turning to the healer. He glanced at Severus over his half-moon glasses. Severus was furious. I thought it hid not a little fear.

Pomfrey's lips moved as she read. "I need to study it some more," she said at last. "But, if the correct precautions are taken, I see no reason not to begin the lab study."

"Thank you," I said to her. Severus glared at me.

"When are you planning on telling Remus?" Dumbledore asked.

I faltered. Before I could reply, Severus said, "I don't believe we need to tell him at this moment." He offered that false smile. "We would not want to get his hopes up just yet."

"That's not fair," I said.

"No, it's not," Dumbledore said. "But for the moment I must agree with Severus. If this is successful in the laboratory, then we will ask Remus if he'd be willing to undergo a clinical trial."

It was up to Poppy to somehow draw Remus' blood. At first he refused to allow her because of his fear of infecting anyone. Dumbledore explained there was a healer interested in the sample and played on his sense of compassion. I received the sample two days later. By then, I was brewing the Wolfbane Potion again. Remus had to know it was me who set the steaming goblet by his place each morning, if only because it was now sweet. I saw he no longer made a face as he downed the potion.

During the full moon, I kept my vigil in my lab, working on the test samples. I followed the universal precautions to the letter and allowed Severus to add a few magical ones of his own. Around midnight he came to my lab and offered to assist me. We worked together until the sun rose. Our third experiment on the samples was a success.

"Now go to sleep," Severus told me. "Fatigue will not help in your work."

I slipped my work robe off and left it on the back of the chair. "What about you?"

Severus smirked. "I have students to torment. I find it most refreshing."

"You would," I told him, walking across the room to where he stood. Impulsively, I hugged him. "Thank you for helping me."

Awkwardly, Severus put his arms around me. He hugged me tightly before pushing me away. "Now go get some sleep."

I let Pomfrey approach Remus with the request for the clinical trial. He was dubious and spent days on my research. Through her, I made everything I had available to him. I paced in my lab until Hermione summoned her two friends and dragged me to the Quidditch pitch. It had been almost a year since I had last sat a broom, but up in the chill air, the world seemed clearer.

Hermione and I flew away from the boys when they began to argue about Quidditch players. I saw a figure walking alone from the castle and guided my broom toward him. Hermione followed for a distance until I waved her back. I glided above Remus until the edge of the forest before landing the broom.

"I can smell you, you know," Remus said without turning around. "I know what your breathing sounds like when you're scared."

"Remus," I said, jogging to him. I put my hand on his shoulder, making him turn around. His eyes were haunted. "Please, Remus. Listen to me."

He smiled, a real smile, and checked to make sure we were alone. Remus circled my waist with his arms and I sank into his embrace. "I always do, Caitlin. Thank you for the letters and for coming to be near me."

"Will you let me try to help you?" I asked.

His expression changed. Remus frowned with worried. "I can't take the risk of hurting someone else."

"I won't let it happen," I promised. "I will stay there with you."

"Caitlin," he sighed. "I won't risk you. I don't want you to live as a werewolf."

I breathed in his scent. I had missed him so badly. Remus took my hand and led me to a large rock for us to sit on.

"It's a risk I am willing to take," I told him. "I came here to fight a curse. If I've lost my battle, I want to take up yours."

"Now who is the lunatic?" Remus joked sadly. He stroked the side of my face and brushed my lips with his fingers. "Who's blood will you use?"

"A researcher doesn't share that information," I started to protest. His fingers paused on my cheek. I shook my head. "Mine. It will be my blood."

"Your blood," he repeated. Remus took my hand and laid a kiss on the palm. "Only if it is your blood will I do this." He looked in my eyes. "But someone else sits with me. I will not risk you. That's the only way I'll agree to it."

I spent the week working on the potions and injections. Severus excused Hermione from her classes and homework with him, a first ever occurrence, in order for her to help me. I took all of my meals in my lab. When it was finally ready, I brought the potions to Madam Pomfrey. Remus met us in the hospital wing and submitted to the injections. There would be two before the full moon, one on the day of, and two afterward. Severus prepared an empty cell in the dungeons for Remus to spend the night; in the event the potion failed, he would transform in safety.

The day of the full moon arrived. Remus quietly went to the dungeon cell. Dumbledore had insisted he be the one to watch with Remus. I paced my lab before pulling up a chair to the window. I watched the moon cross the sky and heard no howls from below.

The morning sun woke me. I had fallen asleep with my head pressed on the windowsill. Butterflies danced in my stomach as I raced through the halls toward the hospital wing. I knew I would find Remus there, along with Dumbledore, Severus and Poppy. We would know how well the experiment worked. I would know. I dreamed of celebrations, of changed laws and minds. I prayed for Remus, that this might give him back the life the lycanthropy had stolen.

I never saw the staircase move until it was too late. At Hogwarts, the staircases like to move. The stairs simply undock and swing from one side of the hall to the other. But this one began to move as I was already running down the steps. I screamed as it pitched me into mid-air. The sound echoed throughout the halls. The only sensation I felt was the tingling of a spell being broken.

_Grandmother poured tea and passed the cup and saucer to me. I accepted the cup and sipped delicately. She drank her tea and regarded me over the rim._

"_Oh, Caitlin," she said at last, "you do realize you weren't supposed to be here so soon."_

_I played with my tea. "I didn't do this on purpose, Grandmother. I have too much to do, still."_

_She patted my hand with her own lace-gloved hand and smiled. "Of course you do. He is a fine man. I would be proud to have him in our family."_

"_It's too late," I said. "Even if the spell is broken."_

_She laughed, a very happy sound. Grandmother seemed so young, not any older than me. Her wand was in her hand. "Have you forgotten your Grandmother is a healer, child? So are you."_

"_But I'm a near-squib," I said. "A good part of what I do is with muggle technology."_

"_This," she said, waving her wand, "is not muggle technology. It is within your very blood. And Caitlin, you have shared that blood now and you did so by choice." She sighed, drawing a design in the air with her wand. "My foolish son could not see that. Well, he and I have spoken about this. You are magical, dear. And so am I." I began to see shapes as she drew them in the air, watching as they solidified "You listen to your grandmother and go back where you belong. There will still be tea for you when the adventure is over. Now, go. I love you very much."_

I was in pain. The very air in my lungs hurt. The room was too bright. My skin ached. My throat was raw. I felt as if something monstrous had pushed me down into the bed. I opened my eyes and could see shadows moving around me. From somewhere, the shadows were talking.

"Help," I tried to say. I'm not sure I was able to form the word. I summoned all the strength I had, knowing that if I could make any sound at all, he would hear me. "Remus!"

One of the shadows moved forward. I tried to scream as it gripped my hand. Another shadow followed it, and still another. They seemed to be struggling. "Remus!" I shouted again. This time all the shadows stopped moving. The first one held on to me and I felt something wet against my sore skin. I blacked out again after that.

Poppy was pressing a cloth to my face and talking in very soothing tones. I opened my eyes to see her clearly. She was bent over me with very motherly concern etched in her face.

"Oh, so now you awake," she scolded but then softened with a smile. "You have given us all quite a start. My goodness, taking a tumble such as that."

"What happened?" I asked her. "Did it work?"

"Did what work, girl?" she asked in return.

I tried to sit up but she firmly pushed me back into the bed. "The lycanthropy potion. Did it prevent him from transforming?"

"Silly girl," she said. "To worry about that."

I shoved her hand away and heaved myself up. "Tell me, Poppy. Did it work?"

Poppy smiled. "Yes, it worked. Albus and Remus spent the night playing wizards chess. He did not transform that night, or the next night either."

"Two nights?" I counted on my fingers. "I've been unconscious for two nights?"

"You've been unconscious for a week, Lady Shaw," she said. "I was certain you were dead when they brought you into the hospital wing. You had no pulse and you weren't breathing. For almost an hour. I even wrote your death certificate."

"Well, burn it," I instructed. The impact of her statement was slowly dawning on me. "Was I dead?"

"We believed so," Dumbledore said from behind Poppy. She moved away to allow the headmaster to come to my bedside. "You fell three stories from the staircase. I have sadly seen many who have died and I counted you among them."

"The matrimonious charm," I said. I was excited. "Grandmother said it was now my choice."

Poppy and Dumbledore exchanged glances. "Are you speaking about Lady Shaw?" he asked gently.

"Yes," I told him. Dumbledore would understand. "Grandmother poured me tea. She said my dad had been foolish, but it was alright now since the spell was broken. Is it? Am I still enspelled?"

Dumbledore ran his hands through the air surround me and smiled. "The spell is broken. It lasts only until one of you dies. And here you live again, spell-free."

"Then – then the contract marriage has ended, too, right?" I asked. "Severus and I are no longer married."

Dumbledore smiled again and patted my hand. "You are no longer married. He wants to speak with you concerning that when you are well." Dumbledore glanced over his shoulder. "There is also someone else who wants to talk with you."

Remus practically ran across the room. I watched him push Dumbledore off the edge of my bed to scoop me up. He said nothing but kissed me. I laughed so hard I started to cry.

"Grandmother likes you," I told him, laughing and crying. "She says you can join the family."

"You're alive," Remus said. "I don't care what anyone says as long as you are alive."

Dumbledore led a scandalized Madam Pomfrey from the wing, winking at us.

Severus appeared at the end of the school day. Remus was seated in a chair beside my bed, reading to me. I was half asleep holding his hand. Severus coughed as he entered and Remus closed the book.

"Lupin," Severus said darkly. "May I have a moment with Dr. Shaw?"

Remus waited for me to nod before kissing my forehead. "I'll be in the other room," he said. "Call me if you need help."

I watched him go, and was surprised to feel his presence still near me. It was an unintended side effect of sharing my blood with him.

Severus took the chair and turned to face me better. He watched me for a moment. "I am not sure how to address you," he said at last.

"Caitlin, Severus, the same as before," I told him, trying to sound reassuring.

"Caitlin, then." Severus paused. "It seems that I was not the one who had to die to end the spell after all. You do realize there are some disappointed students."

I laughed and took his hand. "I guess not. Although I'm not sure my grandmother would have been so quick to send you back."

He smiled at that, an unusual expression for him. "She most likely would not, considering her relationship with my parents. I met her once. It was our binding ceremony. I remember thinking I would like a grandmother like her. I also thought it was horrible that I was going to have to spend my life with a crying baby."

"You didn't tell me this," I said, intrigued. "I didn't know you remembered it."

"When your right hand is cut, you tend you remember," Severus said. He lifted my left hand and turned it over. "But, like all wounds, the cut has healed."

"We're no longer enspelled," I softly told him. "We can be free of each other."

"The contract has ended, and so has the legal aspect of our brief marriage," Severus said. He studied at me for a minute. "Lupin has asked for you."

"And what did you tell him?" I asked.

"That you belong to yourself and will have to choose," he said. "I cannot do that for you."

"Thank you, Severus," I said. "I know this must have been difficult on you." I twined my fingers in his. "It may still be difficult, but I want to remain your friend. I respect your work, professionally – and otherwise." He nodded, understanding what I meant.

"It has," he said. "But if I had to be bound to someone against my will, you are the person I am glad to have been bound to." Severus glanced toward the door. We both knew Remus was waiting just outside the room. "Your potion worked. Lupin did not transform. If you would like, I would be available to assist you in any continuing research."

"I would like that," I said, squeezing his hand before letting him go.

I moved from the hospital wing later that week and back to the rooms I had lived in before Severus returned that past summer. Remus carried me through the hallways because I was still too weak to walk. The fall that had killed me broke my neck and back, along with internal damage. Madam Pomfrey had regrown my spine while I was unconscious. My body was still adjusting to the change and tired from expending the energy to regenerate itself. Healing doesn't occur instantly.

Remus made a nest of quilts and pillows on my couch and covered me with a blanket. He mixed the medicinal hot chocolate in my kitchen, fumbling with the gas stove. I accepted the hot mug when he returned and watched the flames dancing in the fireplace while he seated himself on the floor beneath me. I leaned down to rest my head on his shoulder and sniffed loudly.

He growled. "You're doing the sniffing thing again."

I kissed his cheek. "Madam Pomfrey says I can do other things again really soon, too."

Remus leaned back to kiss me. "Really soon." He turned around to take me in his arms, almost knocking over the hot chocolate.

1 The Greek goddess Hekate's familiar is a wolf.

2 _Werewolves of London_. What else would it be?


End file.
